Sometimes what puts things into perspecive, like nothing else, are words uttered by my 3 yr old daughter, Advita. A child, with her inherent simplicity can say things, which sound profound...and are so heart-felt...and thats what is so touching...revealing so many things to me.
Chandru's mom and granny are visiting us and Advita is having such a great time with them, enjoying their undivided and unadultereted attention.
Yesterday as I am sitting with them, Advita quitely comes near and me holding my chin in her hands (as is her habit while talking to me) says quitely, "Mamma, please never grow old, promise me"..and then as if in bargain, "I will also not become big, OK?".
I am intrigued by this sudden pronouncement, while she searches my face, waiting for me to say OK. Then I see her eyes wandering to her great-grandmother, who huddles in from the balconey.
So that's what has provoked this thought in my little darling's overactive mind!
I understand now, as she watches patti coping and struggling with the debilitating age, she has understood old age to be something not so desirable.
I anyway ask her why she is saying this and she says.."coz then you will not be so pretty and you won't be able to walk..and then who will comb my hair?"...oh my goodness...so many thoughts jostling in such little brains!!!
The thought of her mom growing old is so terrifying for her that she is ready to compromise on getting "big"..her single most burning ambition at this point of time! Somehow in her mind she has made the connection between her getting bigger with my getting older...admirable thought process in one so young!
What should I tell you my sona adaa...! Well, it was the question of old age, illness and such misery which provoked young Sidhartha to take "sanyaas" and seek enlightment. But I am no enlightened soul...I search for words which will put your mind to rest and still be truthful.
Shall I tell you that I also, at times, wish we were all frozen in time, while I remain like this, you remain this delightful 3-year old child.....one who deliciously surprises me every day with something new, something mischeveous...one who looks up to me all the time, trying to emulate me, making my heart swell with pride? and still, at times, I want to see you blossom into a young girl, spirited girl, who argues with me, trying to prove her own point. Trying to hold on to your innocence, while looking forward to your growing up......
I try to divert your mind, saying of course you will become big like mamma...but you dont give up and tell me " dont leave me and go anywhere..if you become old, you will die"! I am lost for words now! Can I tell you I will never be old, never die? I take recourse in the simpler answer and I tell her that I will be with you only, always. She seems satisfied and gets engrossed in her games with her imaginary friends...leaving me to ponder over things she said.
Oh the fear of getting old, dying, being without our loved ones....it affects even the little ones...while we grown ups, in our arrogance , imagine oursleves as ageless, immortal.
Today morning as I got dressed to drop her to school, she looks at me and exclaims " Oh you look so pretty everyday mamma...I also want to be like you" :)...now thats what I like to hear rani bitiya...say that again!
- Gurgaon, Haryana, India
- Dont claim to be a great writer but love to pen down those random thoughts in my head,share what I feel,however irreverant or unconventional they may be.Here's my take on things which matter to me,delight me,comfort me and give wings to my fancy, be it fashion,living,music,movies,books,family or Love! Peace to all...and restlessness to those who dare to think differently!A science graduate, a fashion-post-graduate,a wife, a mom but above all a lover of all things beautiful and sensitive. Romance, wine and music..I can live solely on these.