About Me

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Gurgaon, Haryana, India
Dont claim to be a great writer but love to pen down those random thoughts in my head,share what I feel,however irreverant or unconventional they may be.Here's my take on things which matter to me,delight me,comfort me and give wings to my fancy, be it fashion,living,music,movies,books,family or Love! Peace to all...and restlessness to those who dare to think differently!A science graduate, a fashion-post-graduate,a wife, a mom but above all a lover of all things beautiful and sensitive. Romance, wine and music..I can live solely on these.

Monday, February 09, 2009

LOVE, MARRIAGE AND ADULTERY


I recently read something which I have always believed in , nevertheless, it provoked my thoughts to an extent where I just had to write about it and share my feelings.

Marriage is the logical outcome of a relationship based on love. But what happens when the marriage becomes love-less, or if the marriage was never based on love but on convenience (say an arranged match)? Is it logical and justified then, to look for love outside marriage? Morality and social laws call it adultery and term it contemptible. I, as some others like me, beg to differ, of course...and this is what I want to talk about here. It is easy to pass judgement on others within the confines of social and moral rules, but difficult to understand certain feelings and action performed outside the realm of accepted behaviour. It is so because then you have to form your own rules and that may alienate you from others. that's the great fear we live with , even in considerably liberated and modern society.

What I read in this regard says: "Adultery is not a sin...but to live in a love-less marriage is definitely a sin."
Why? Because I believe marriage is an intimate relationship based on love and trust...and if these are missing and one is stuck in a marriage out of social duty, then, in principle,doesn't one defile this relationship and is that not a sin? The moral commitment has to be to love not be dutiful and deceive, even if it is emotional infidelity's.

Our moral fiber and upbringing , defined by certain social rules, tell us differently and teaches us to be outraged by any such unconventional behaviour. But look at literature, art, movies...the greatest works have been about adulterous relationships. Not because it is about adultery but because it is about love and all great love stories break rules. Cases in point are , "Wuthering heights", Madame Bovary", "Anna Karenina". Look at these protagonists, they are not some lukewarm characters but passionate women who pursue their love and desires, even outside marriage. Yes, my critics may point out that in almost all these cases, women do not end up happy...but that's is more because of desperation than a just end to immoral behaviour. "Wuthering heights" is actually taught in colleges...so i mean we read about this great and complex love of Catherine and Heathcliff...get our imagination really fired up..and then settle for some insipid dutiful marriage instead of a passionate one? Is that fair? Follow your heart and give vent to your emotions..isn't that the expression of great artistic work?

What will it be to live in absence of love? A poignant picture which comes to my mind when i think of love-less situations is Aishwarya in climax scene of the movie "Taal", singing "Ishq bina main..ishq bina..hoon main ishq bina"...oh to live without love (when she agrees to marry Anil kapoor, not the man she loves...and thought and a life without love distresses her).
So imagine being in a marriage where duty abound but no love, no passion...and then imagine someone else offering you a life of your dreams filled with what you had desired years earlier. What will you choose then? Is it easier , rather right, to follow your sense of duty, morality and commitment or being brave and step outside and reach to another hand extended to you?

I do not know how to end this piece I am writing...there is no easy an simple way and I am not writing to teach a certain example...but just to share what I am feeling right now..maybe a bit clumsily! Maybe it will provoke you to think differently, and a bit restless.
So here's hoping...:-)
INSPIRED BY DEV D
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After ages we saw a movie which not only entertained but also evoked lot of thoughts, feeling and conversation! I have always enjoyed interesting love stories...but Dev D. is a love story with a difference. With its slightly off-centre take on love and lust, it completely captured my imagination.

Anurag Kashyap's Dev D, though loosely inspired by Sharatchandra's Devdas, is completely original, irreverent and innovative. It shows Dev (devdas), the protagonist, as he truly is, ...a tragically flawed character...in love, mostly with himself, spoilt , clueless and misguided. In the original devdas, the hero loses two powerful and great loves of his life , Paro and Chandramukhi. through his own follies and weak character.

The promos on air had already intrigued me with its edgy and new look...and some great music. So we just had to watch it on the first day of its release.

What I loved the most about the movie are its two heroines, Paro and chanda, who make and break their own rules in love. They are fiery, independent, passionate and not afraid to show their sensual nature....unlike dev who is bogged down by too many negative feelings. Having said that, I found Abahy deol's portrayal of Dev very interesting and different.Though mean and weak in most parts, his vulnerability makes you reach out to him with tenderness...a character torn apart by his own short-comings.When you see Dev scorn Paro's love, then trip on heady drugs and cocktails and destroy himself with self-loathing, you do hate him, pity him but at the same time you want to shake him up, hold his hand and lead him to sanity.
Add to it the fact that class differences or parental disagreements are not the reason for dev and paro's fall-out but the very nature of dev...and you have the makings of a very interesting love story...different from the usual bollywood fares.

The movie is path-breaking for its use of a new edgy language (for hindi cinema), engaging screenplay, sharp editing ,excellent script and great music. The music , by a debutant, deserves special attention. The sounds, inspired by folk (punjabi and rajasthani), and mixed with hip-hop, rock etc, are absolutely unique and trippy.

The two new actresses are the finds of this year and I wish to see them more and more. How brave they must be and how trusting in Anurag Kashyap's abilities as a director to take on (in their first movie), completely unconventional roles...redefining the heroine of hindi film world. Far from being coy, submissive or self-pitying, they are the new women who are spontaneous, demonstrate their passion with elan, are strong and decide their own fate. How fresh is that!
Personally, i find the scene where Paro breaks into full-on dance, at her own wedding, (on being prompted by relatives) so poignant. There is something very humorous, but at the same time, sad ,about that moment which I am unable to express in words.
Kalki portrays the delicious Chanda interestingly, imparting to the character a unique mix of innocence and sensuality. She is young and sexy...with a mouth that can a launch a million male fantasies:-) (no pun intended)!

Though off-beat, the movie is certainly engaging and touching..with a healthy dose of humour, which is natural, albeit dark in nature.
Here is a movie for the true lover of love in its various hues...not the faint-hearted, for sure...but for the brave! So go and enjoy...set yourself free,break some rules...even if only in your mind!