About Me

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Gurgaon, Haryana, India
Dont claim to be a great writer but love to pen down those random thoughts in my head,share what I feel,however irreverant or unconventional they may be.Here's my take on things which matter to me,delight me,comfort me and give wings to my fancy, be it fashion,living,music,movies,books,family or Love! Peace to all...and restlessness to those who dare to think differently!A science graduate, a fashion-post-graduate,a wife, a mom but above all a lover of all things beautiful and sensitive. Romance, wine and music..I can live solely on these.

Monday, February 09, 2009

LOVE, MARRIAGE AND ADULTERY


I recently read something which I have always believed in , nevertheless, it provoked my thoughts to an extent where I just had to write about it and share my feelings.

Marriage is the logical outcome of a relationship based on love. But what happens when the marriage becomes love-less, or if the marriage was never based on love but on convenience (say an arranged match)? Is it logical and justified then, to look for love outside marriage? Morality and social laws call it adultery and term it contemptible. I, as some others like me, beg to differ, of course...and this is what I want to talk about here. It is easy to pass judgement on others within the confines of social and moral rules, but difficult to understand certain feelings and action performed outside the realm of accepted behaviour. It is so because then you have to form your own rules and that may alienate you from others. that's the great fear we live with , even in considerably liberated and modern society.

What I read in this regard says: "Adultery is not a sin...but to live in a love-less marriage is definitely a sin."
Why? Because I believe marriage is an intimate relationship based on love and trust...and if these are missing and one is stuck in a marriage out of social duty, then, in principle,doesn't one defile this relationship and is that not a sin? The moral commitment has to be to love not be dutiful and deceive, even if it is emotional infidelity's.

Our moral fiber and upbringing , defined by certain social rules, tell us differently and teaches us to be outraged by any such unconventional behaviour. But look at literature, art, movies...the greatest works have been about adulterous relationships. Not because it is about adultery but because it is about love and all great love stories break rules. Cases in point are , "Wuthering heights", Madame Bovary", "Anna Karenina". Look at these protagonists, they are not some lukewarm characters but passionate women who pursue their love and desires, even outside marriage. Yes, my critics may point out that in almost all these cases, women do not end up happy...but that's is more because of desperation than a just end to immoral behaviour. "Wuthering heights" is actually taught in colleges...so i mean we read about this great and complex love of Catherine and Heathcliff...get our imagination really fired up..and then settle for some insipid dutiful marriage instead of a passionate one? Is that fair? Follow your heart and give vent to your emotions..isn't that the expression of great artistic work?

What will it be to live in absence of love? A poignant picture which comes to my mind when i think of love-less situations is Aishwarya in climax scene of the movie "Taal", singing "Ishq bina main..ishq bina..hoon main ishq bina"...oh to live without love (when she agrees to marry Anil kapoor, not the man she loves...and thought and a life without love distresses her).
So imagine being in a marriage where duty abound but no love, no passion...and then imagine someone else offering you a life of your dreams filled with what you had desired years earlier. What will you choose then? Is it easier , rather right, to follow your sense of duty, morality and commitment or being brave and step outside and reach to another hand extended to you?

I do not know how to end this piece I am writing...there is no easy an simple way and I am not writing to teach a certain example...but just to share what I am feeling right now..maybe a bit clumsily! Maybe it will provoke you to think differently, and a bit restless.
So here's hoping...:-)

5 comments:

Rajita said...

very bad of you to write such things after being happily married for years :)

- Random Flickers said...

There are many interesting questions and better answers but I will let them rest for now.

Having been there and done that, I can tell you that the quest ends with a invariable conclusion that there is neither a need for guilt nor a scope fear in spite of morality being a imperative. I am sure I will grow more, know more - yet the the movement is always an ascent.

Love is more often abused than used and yet it is life changing. Like every other thought, this very notion splits too as the object and the subject and holds its breath taking beauty as always.

Luck!

- Random Flickers said...

By the way its interesting that this should come after Love being a chemical reaction :)

Belu said...

I read this at leisure today (not that I hadn't read it before) and got reminded of a quote (by Jelaluddin Rumi) I really liked.."Out beyond the ideas of right-doing or wrong-doing there is a field- I'll meet you there." - very well written!

Sushma said...

Cheers to your thoughts!!